So it’s baseball season once again. All the boys of summer are out in full force with thoughts of pennant races and Fall Classics, peanuts and Cracker Jacks. For half the year, all is right with the world. Even while all is so NOT right with the game. 
    It’s always amazing to me how those that suck at the teat of baseball … those that swear to “eat, sleep and breathe” the sport … those that scream from the top of their soapboxes that baseball is THE be all and end all of sport in America … can be so blatantly ignorant of all it’s faults. What’s worse is that these dolts actually DEFEND the faults with one blanket answer … “That’s part of the game.” … all while casually shrugging their shoulders and cocking their head, wrapped in that safe, warm cocoon of their own denial. These dolts are known to the rest of the world as “purists”. “Purists” in ANY sport suck. But baseball purists really, really suck.
    I can already feel all the purists cringing, ready to jump up and start their ankle-biting, so let me qualify myself so you can more accurately focus your hate. I have a healthy respect for the game of baseball. I was not born with it, like so many of you idiots claim to be. Mine was developed over time. I much preferred to play football and basketball as it offered a much more physical challenge than standing and waiting for someone to hit your way. I do not argue that baseball is a sport, as opposed to other “activities” or “games” like NASCAR or golf. I understand the concepts of baseball and enjoy the subtleties of pitching and fielding. And I can celebrate a New York Mets National League Championship with the best of them. I am no overweight couch potato who is just talking out of my ass. In fact, I can be considered a pretty good athlete. I still play football, basketball, and while I have never played hardball, I have been known to contribute some fine hitting, fielding and running to one of my softball leagues. I am certainly in MUCH better shape than several purists that I know. So with that … 
    According to the Official Rules, "The STRIKE ZONE is that area over home plate the upper limit of which is a horizontal line at the midpoint between the top of the shoulders and the top of the uniform pants, and the lower level is a line at the hollow beneath the kneecap. The Strike Zone shall be determined from the batter's stance as the batter is prepared to swing at a pitched ball."
    Baseball’s strike zone is clearly defined. There should be no ifs and or buts about it. If a ball falls within that clearly defined area, then it is a strike. Anything outside of that area is simply NOT a strike. 
    Baseball’s strike zone is a joke. Umpires that routinely make the wrong calls are an even bigger joke and should be replaced. An umpire, like anyone else who works, is doing his JOB. At any other job, if a worker performs poorly, he is reprimanded. If he performs consistently poorly, he is fired. Not so with baseball. In fact, when an umpire can be easily misled by a cunning pitcher, it is simply “part of the game”. In effect, purists will tell you that “cheating” is “part of the game”.
    Purists will tell you that a really good pitcher will work an umpire by consistently throwing a ball to the outside corner until he finds that comfort zone which the umpire will call a strike. However, as the game goes on, that pitcher will continue to extend that zone counting on the umpire to have fallen into his psychological trap therefore giving him a strike call. Now, when pitchers throw a strike and it is called such, that’s good pitching. When pitchers throw what is clearly a ball and it is called a strike, THAT is cheating. Intentional or not, someone is being misled, and no one is held accountable for it. Hence, someone is cheating. Why then do we have an umpire at all?
    Sports TV can track a hockey puck travelling at 100 miles per hour, or draw a 10 yard marker on the field of play so with today’s technology, surely we can devise some system that will, WITHOUT FAIL, detect what is and what is NOT a strike. A simple laser grid that is projected from the front of the plate can carve out the EXACT dimensions of the strike zone. This grid would be invisible to the pitcher but can easily be called up when a call is in dispute. If the pitch crosses the plate and lands within the “area over home plate the upper limit of which is a horizontal line at the midpoint between the top of the shoulders and the top of the uniform pants, and the lower level is a line at the hollow beneath the kneecap “ then it is a strike. Anything outside of that is a ball. Do you question that logic? This clear, exact and perfectly defined strike zone would then not be subject to cheating pitchers and farsighted umpires. The game would be pure and right, the way purists always scream it should be. Pitchers would not be overinflated for their skill to cheat the system. They would in fact be celebrated for their ability to throw an actual strike.
    Purists will tell you that it is exactly that human element for error that makes the game so exciting. Wrong. That human element for error makes the game an arbitrary exercise that is dependent on the mood of a bloated union monkey in a blue suit. If the call is wrong, then it is WRONG. There is no question about it.  A strike is a strike. A ball is a ball.
    Why are purists so resistant to the idea of having games called correctly? Because purists suck. And baseball purists really, really suck.
 
 

    Look for the next installment of "For the Sport of It" in the coming weeks. Until then, feel free to drop the Armchair QB a line.